AAJ TAK...

Hydrabadi Dum Biryaani and home are synonymous, at least for me they are. Finally I am at home, behaving like a refugee from Somalia let loose in Mc Donald’s with free meal coupons. I was starving for ghar ka khana from 7 long months, since my last visit to my home. My taste buds have refused to acknowledge tasting the office canteen food, which I am sure; I’ll be able to scratch off by biryaani accompanied by some chicken curry. Here at home things are not all that rosy and no real "aish" is materializing as my friends back in office would think. I am as free and jobless as the marketing manager of Sourav Ganguly. TV is boring as ever and with the eyes which are used to watching un-censored stuff, detest HBO and Star-Movies where nowadays "Basic Instinct" is as holy as “Jai Santoshi Maa”. When the dialogues cease and a boy and girl come closer, in the very next scene two tota-mainaas are shown pecking each other (?) with there beaks. Pathetic!! The commercial channels like Star Plus, Sony etc air only the K-series saas-bahu sagas where everyone is plotting against each other. I remember some serials as old as my granny (100 and not out) but all the characters are as young as me. I wonder how someone can watch such bullshit, which shows the same old crap for decades with different camera angels. The news channels are no less. I’ve got this confidential news that Amitabh Bachchan ko thand lag gayi. Just have a look at an instance of the prime time news bulletin on Aaj tak.

Sanjay: "Aaiye hum aap ko le chalte hai Amitabh Bachchan ke resort pe jaha humaare samvaad daata deepak chaurasia maujood hai" "haan Deepak kya aap hamey sun sakte hai" (Deepak is on screen and he is as blank as Laloo's 10th board answer sheet) "Deepak aapko humaari awaaz aa rahee hai...Deepak" Deepak: "haan Sanjay boliye" (People behind Deepak desperate to come on TV are waving as if stranded on an island for ten years and trying to signal a far off ship in sight) "Deepak Is wakt wahan Amitabh Bachchan ki tabiyat kaisi hai? kya mahaul hai iss waqt wahaa par?" Deepak: Abhi hum Manali mein Amitabh Bachchan ke resort ke saamne khade hain aur aapko bataa den ki Aaj Tak pehla channel jo ye khabar aap tak la raha hai. Sanjay jaisa ki hum sab ko pataa hai aaj subah hindustan ke Shehenshah Amitabh Bachchan ko Thand lag gayi. Subah se hi yahaa diggaj logon kaa taanta lagaa huaa hai…” Sanjay: Ye batayiye ki Amitabh ko kitni thand lagi hai? Kya wo bahut chheenk rahe hain? Kya unhone sweater bhi pahen rakha hai thand se bachne ke liye? Deepak: Haan Sanjay Amitabhji ne sweater pehen rakha hai… par aashcharya ki baat ye hai ki Jaya bachchan is gambhir sthiti mein unke paas nahi hain. Isse ye pataa chalta hai bachchan pariwar mein kucch uthal puthal ho rahi hai. Ye kayi saare sawal khade karti hai? Then suddenly the camera shifts to Sanjay in the studio when he comes to know of the fact that he is on-air and he has nothing to speak and Deepak on the other side is dictating the list of medicines prescribed by doctors. Sanjay is speechless and his face is like as if he has pissed in his pants. Sanjay: Hum aapko Amitabh ke tabiyat ki har pal khabar dete rahenge… kahin jayiyega mat… milte hain fir, break ke baad!!! Break ke baad… Amitabh Comes out his resort and Deepak rushes to him to get some exclusive footage. There's already a battery of media persons mobbing him wid "Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hai?" type questions.. Deepak: “Amitabh ji. Bataaiye aapko Thand kaise lag gayi? kaisaa mehsus kar rahe hain aap abhi??” Deepak trying to shove the microphone up his nostrils. "Amitabh ji …Amitabh ji bataaiye….” Deepak struggling. Big B looks up to his bodyguard… And immediately the telecast is switched to the studio cameras and Sanjay sitting there says in a hurried tone. “Chaliye ab chalte hai Raakhi Saawant ke paas jo ye maang kar rahee hai ki item numbers ka bhi Oscar nomination honaa chahiye.” In the meantime Deepak while trying to get some exclusive footage got some real exclusive “Foot”age on his ass from Big B’s bodyguards. As if all this is not enough what follows is a SMS poll : Aap sabhi se humara sawal hai Amitabh Bachchan ko thand kyon lagi? 1. Kyonki unhone sweater nahi pahna tha 2. Kyonki unhone DABUR ka chavanpraash nahi khaya tha 3. Unka jacket chhota ho gayaa tha 4. Manali wasiyon ki galti hai kyunki unhone Amitabh ke liye heater ka intezaam nahi kiya. Apna jawab SMS kariye XXX par aur inme se 10 lucky vijetaoon ka meilga Ek Sony Camera. kahin jaayiyega nahi kyonki aage hai:

- Aishwarya ne khaya achar… Kya poora hoga abhishek aur ash ka parivar??? - Kya wajah thi ki na hit ho pai “Sarkar Raj” Aur kitne hits ya flops dega “Bachaan Parivaar”??? Janne ke lie dekhiye AAJ TAK ... And it continued and by the time I complete this post I am sure Deepak comes to office with an ice pack stuck to his ass while I happily munch on some more homemade delicacies.