Volvo Ki Sawari

After years of trying to build roads and flyovers, Namma Bengaluru government decided to change track to address the woes of city commutation and invest in new buses: Volvos for the general public. For daily travelers to office in Bengaluru, the Volvo bus is a familiar experience. With the traveling time ranging anywhere between 1 to 2 hrs for a stretch of mere 10 –15 kms the old city buses experience was awful. The city buses used to be crowded, with people hanging from all possible directions like makdee ke jaale in a haunted bhootiya haveli from Ramsay movie. You will be surrounded by all kinds of crowd starting from the bhaajiwalas with their bhaaji ki tokri to software professionals with their 10-kilo lappies. As the crowd increases you will end up smelling the co-passengers sweat covered armpits or the combination of cheap deodorants and some half hearted farts. You might also have to stand face to face with the chaiwalas who would have his mouth filled with gutkha, which you are scared that he might puke on your fav shirt any moment. If you are spared there, you will probably encounter some unwanted nose digged fingers and crotch scratching hands on your favorite Louis Philippe Shirt. With the sinking heart crossing all hurdles, smelling like a fisherman, when you reach your destination you are in no way presentable either to the client or your boss who happens to come to work in his new Camry with un-crumpled shirt smelling of Hugo Boss. *&%%$ Thanks to the government, which heard the software professional’s woes and launched the Volvos for commuting. Off late I’ve started taking the Volvo to work instead of the company vehicle, which shows up before the pados ka murga decides to get out of its cozy bed. The Air-conditioned Volvo is the good option to hop in and catch on an extra 1-hour sleep while the monster does a nagina number on the so-called roads, scaring the hell out of the poor pedestrians. As soon as I hopped into the bus, the TT babu popped up like a matrimonial ad of shaadi.com to make me halka by some rupees, before I could manage to make myself stand in that bheed bhaad. While I stood in a corner groggily, hunting for a prospective commuter who’d get down at the nearest stop, I was poked hard in my ribs by the fellow passenger who got off-balance by the roller coaster ride in the city roads. I thought of yelling “teri **** ki... But considering the language management, I controlled myself. Very soon the bus started getting flooded when, one-bhala manas decided to get down and I grabbed his seat like a hawk. I made myself comfortable in the seat and switched on my new I-pod. By now all my sleep was gone and I was wide-awake and following are the different categories of people I noticed for the rest of my journey. Sleeping Beauties: These are generally those uncles who would probably have Aruna Irani or Himani Shivpuri type wives at home who wouldn’t let them sleep all night. What are you smiling at you dirty mind I meant not letting them sleep by continuous nagging like our bollywood vamps. These bechare sataaye hue mard are so sleepy that stranded traffic, blaring horns or the human chaos in the bus doesn’t bother them. It seems like they have grabbed their seats as the bus rolled out of the manufacturing plant. Some of them would have their mouth wide open enough for a baby hippo to pass through without getting hurt. To add on you will probably see a Ganga flowing out of their khula muh making a small puddle for gully ke bachche to swim. College ka Chokras: This is generally a group of 5-6 boys in their early 20s with faded and /or torn jeans, champu shades and long unruly hairdos- in short Chunkey Pandey Chaap students. Every word they utter would be sandwiched by a swear word beep beep. Once the brats are done with getting their feet placed in the bheed, they are set to explore the bus for those "F-16 to F-22"s. They scan through the entire bus and the data is shared among them to come with some vital information as to where they need to oscillate to and fro for the entire journey. Yeah, I used to be one of them few years back. Padhakus: In contrast to the college brats you can also see some padhakus with 4 inch thick glasses engrossed in rattofying probably the last commas and full stops in the book. These are the kinds who look forward for exams all year and write endlessly from the moment the question paper is distributed and take extra sheets and sometimes-extra pens to puke in everything in their brains about the subject. At the end of the exams they would make the gloomiest face possible coz they would realize that they have not answered question 5 ka part C, which is worth 0.5 marks. $^&%#@ Gadget Gurus: These people board the bus wired either with a cell phone or an I-pod that they got from their recent onsite visit. These people have their ears plugged throughout the time. When the TT asks for the ticket they would shout at their highest pitch so that the passengers in next bus know where they are going to get off. They would hum the song that’s playing in their Indian Idol voice, which would probably fetch them some chawannis outside. The callers are no less. They would smile all for themselves and suddenly shout out loud with words like “Listen to me, No No thatz not what I am saying”. Paunchy Techies: This is the breed of men where I belong (and probably you also). These are the uptight men wearing full formals sucking their paunches in to evade the un-required attention on their potbellies from the giggly HR girls in front. Needless to say these are the fellow techies with assorted Id’s around their neck, brownish newspapers under their armpits, cheap and heavy laptops clinging on to their shoulders. You can see the manager’s fire in their bellies, demons of variable pay haunting them and the release dates approaching faster than the weekends or salaries. With the fast rising pink slips and slow moving traffics you can hear their frustrations loud and clear even in the chaos of the city bus. Furry Females: These are the category of so-called fur ball girls who board the bus with a look of behenji in their attitude. Their untrimmed mustaches and stubble beard reminds you of unshaven look of our Khiladi Kumar. The hair on their hands would be enough to make a fur coat for 2 grizzly bears. I wonder haven’t they heard the term called “waxing”? Their furry hands would even force Anil Kapoor to cover his sleeves in shame. Well it definitely makes me roll-down my sleeves. Observing from one passenger to other, how time flew I didnt realize. Finally my stop came and I got down. I realized that my shirt is not crumpled and the Dunhill is still smelling as fresh as I left few hours back. In short the Volvo is sawari is fulltoo paisa wasool. However, this khushi was ephemeral. Looking at the high-raised tinted glass building where I have to be for the next 8-9 hours or may be more, my heart sank. Being left out with no choice with heavy heart I walked into that building to suffer the pangs of my existence. By the way why dont you take a Volvo ride while I get back with my next post? It fun !! Trust me...

My Recent Sketches !!

Try Again

When you feel tierd and lost,

Not getting the way at any cost.

The path is hard and a bit rough,

And every step so very tough.

The end of it is not in sight,

And you have lost the urge to fight.

Life is worth living and fighting for,

Not to defeat and leaving for.

It easy to give up and accept defeat,

But the brave will willingly repeat.

Will and dedications are steps to the top,

Journey is hard, but you cannot stop.

Don't give up but try again and again,

A different life you may regain.

Sri Ram Sene

In 21st century when we Indians are celebrating our 60th Republic day, we get to hear the horrific incident in Mangalore by the self-appointed cultural cops calling themselves Sri Ram Sene. The chaos unleashed by the so-called samaaj ke rakhwaale has outraged in the coastal city acting as catalyst in some other parts of the nation. The lethargic response of the police in this matter is the best example of our incompetence and rise of Jungle Raj. Sometime back in one of my posts, I mentioned how we Indians take extreme pride in our culture and go beyond our ways to protect it and pass on to the next generations; but I didn’t thought my article will jagaao all the wrong kinds of people. LOL Jokes apart, violent attacks by hoodlums inspired by extreme ideologies — be it regional chauvinism, religious prejudice or a twisted sense of our Indian tradition and ethos — are becoming an alarmingly frequent feature of our times. The incident sometime back in Mangalore, in which women were physically assaulted by a bunch of goons bearing allegiance to the Sri Ram Sene — simply because they chose to visit a pub is further evidence of this phenomenon. Like those associated with other extremist right-wing groups, members of the Sri Ram Sene are self-appointed custodians of ‘Bharatiya Sanskriti’. Is beating up women also part of this culture? Our culture and traditions have never been static. Through the centuries, they have been shaped and reshaped by historic events and interactions with other cultures. Today, there could be more than a billion ways of being Indian in the Indian Silicon Valley. It’s worrying that small groups of people can hold the public to ransom and assault our collective liberties with such perceptible ease. Aren’t we part of a democratic country where we have the freedom to our actions? Today some group thinks pubs are not a part of culture, agreed. What if other group feels that we should stop talking in foreign languages (English included) and stick only to our local languages? What if some other group starts harassing people saying that t-shirts and jeans are not part of our culture and we should only wear dhoti/lungi and kurta? On that note I remember reading in the paper where 2 girls were beaten up for wearing jeans in Bangalore. Where do you draw a line to such ideologies? Such groups act like an anchor stopping the nations progress. The most troubling fact is that our state home minister has not helped in this matter at all. He told that the pub owners must “augment security to prevent this kind of incident in future”. What is the minister suggesting? That we privatize the enforcement of law and order? Isn’t it the government’s job to ensure public security? What are we paying the taxes for? Be it against Raj Thackeray in Mumbai or similar troublemakers elsewhere, administrations move too slowly and feebly, undermining citizens’ faith in their ability to secure law and order. Couple of dozen men involved in the pub attacks have been taken into custody but immediately released without any action. The state government’s condemnations of the incident and stated resolves to suitably punish the guilty have evaporated long back. People say times have changed. What are we referring to when we say that? Is it India winning gold medal at the Olympics? A black becoming President of USA? India bagging an Oscar? Or is it John kissing Abhishek? Is this what we call change? Is it what we are referring to progress? Nothing has changed for the common man. Common man still struggles to meet his basic needs. Its time that we rise to the calls of time and use the grey matter, for country’s progress and self in real terms.

Jay Ho

India has arrived finally with Slumdog sweeping all major awards at Oscars and becoming the Slumgod. Log onto any website, check out any newspaper or tune into any radio channel this is what you would read, see and hear. But I wonder what is that makes us so proud about the 81st Oscars? Yeah I got it... the 8 Oscars right? Well let’s not forget that it’s not an Indian film that got an Oscar. It’s a British-American film about Indian slum with some Indian collaboration. It reminds me that pre-Independence they use to take raw cotton from here and process there which made us proud. If you look carefully this may be an extension of similar kind of imperialism. The hype and ecstasy that I saw on news channels seems absolute crazy for one western recognition. Now that I have pointed out a counter view to the 81st Oscars, that doesn’t make me unpatriotic at all. However, I feel that slumdog was very much similar to any bollywood entertainer and had all the required bollywood masala. I felt it had more bark than bite. I have seen the movie and no doubt it’s a good movie but was it worth an Oscar??? Well I personally don’t think so. I wonder if we would have entered the movie in the foreign film category would it have sweeped the Oscars? But yes inspite of all the not so obvious views I totally agree to the fact that it feels great to know that AR Rehman's soulful music and Gulzar's passionate lyrics have floored everyone at the Oscars. From Brad Pitt to Kate Winslet, Steven Spielberg to Meryl Streep everyone was moving to the beats of “Jay Ho". What continued was goras in traditional dhotis and mems in dazzling pink Indian outfits dancing to the tunes of Rehman. The world is still giving the standing ovation to the men who have got 3 Oscars overnight while the country was waiting for one since the days of Satyajit Ray.

Finally it seems Bollywood magic has charmed the first world. Its time they realize there is no dearth of talent back home. Hopefully this opens the floodgates of offers with more fusion of east and west coming up with FINE cinema for the audience. Jay Ho!!

AAJ TAK...

Hydrabadi Dum Biryaani and home are synonymous, at least for me they are. Finally I am at home, behaving like a refugee from Somalia let loose in Mc Donald’s with free meal coupons. I was starving for ghar ka khana from 7 long months, since my last visit to my home. My taste buds have refused to acknowledge tasting the office canteen food, which I am sure; I’ll be able to scratch off by biryaani accompanied by some chicken curry. Here at home things are not all that rosy and no real "aish" is materializing as my friends back in office would think. I am as free and jobless as the marketing manager of Sourav Ganguly. TV is boring as ever and with the eyes which are used to watching un-censored stuff, detest HBO and Star-Movies where nowadays "Basic Instinct" is as holy as “Jai Santoshi Maa”. When the dialogues cease and a boy and girl come closer, in the very next scene two tota-mainaas are shown pecking each other (?) with there beaks. Pathetic!! The commercial channels like Star Plus, Sony etc air only the K-series saas-bahu sagas where everyone is plotting against each other. I remember some serials as old as my granny (100 and not out) but all the characters are as young as me. I wonder how someone can watch such bullshit, which shows the same old crap for decades with different camera angels. The news channels are no less. I’ve got this confidential news that Amitabh Bachchan ko thand lag gayi. Just have a look at an instance of the prime time news bulletin on Aaj tak.

Sanjay: "Aaiye hum aap ko le chalte hai Amitabh Bachchan ke resort pe jaha humaare samvaad daata deepak chaurasia maujood hai" "haan Deepak kya aap hamey sun sakte hai" (Deepak is on screen and he is as blank as Laloo's 10th board answer sheet) "Deepak aapko humaari awaaz aa rahee hai...Deepak" Deepak: "haan Sanjay boliye" (People behind Deepak desperate to come on TV are waving as if stranded on an island for ten years and trying to signal a far off ship in sight) "Deepak Is wakt wahan Amitabh Bachchan ki tabiyat kaisi hai? kya mahaul hai iss waqt wahaa par?" Deepak: Abhi hum Manali mein Amitabh Bachchan ke resort ke saamne khade hain aur aapko bataa den ki Aaj Tak pehla channel jo ye khabar aap tak la raha hai. Sanjay jaisa ki hum sab ko pataa hai aaj subah hindustan ke Shehenshah Amitabh Bachchan ko Thand lag gayi. Subah se hi yahaa diggaj logon kaa taanta lagaa huaa hai…” Sanjay: Ye batayiye ki Amitabh ko kitni thand lagi hai? Kya wo bahut chheenk rahe hain? Kya unhone sweater bhi pahen rakha hai thand se bachne ke liye? Deepak: Haan Sanjay Amitabhji ne sweater pehen rakha hai… par aashcharya ki baat ye hai ki Jaya bachchan is gambhir sthiti mein unke paas nahi hain. Isse ye pataa chalta hai bachchan pariwar mein kucch uthal puthal ho rahi hai. Ye kayi saare sawal khade karti hai? Then suddenly the camera shifts to Sanjay in the studio when he comes to know of the fact that he is on-air and he has nothing to speak and Deepak on the other side is dictating the list of medicines prescribed by doctors. Sanjay is speechless and his face is like as if he has pissed in his pants. Sanjay: Hum aapko Amitabh ke tabiyat ki har pal khabar dete rahenge… kahin jayiyega mat… milte hain fir, break ke baad!!! Break ke baad… Amitabh Comes out his resort and Deepak rushes to him to get some exclusive footage. There's already a battery of media persons mobbing him wid "Ab aapko kaisa lag raha hai?" type questions.. Deepak: “Amitabh ji. Bataaiye aapko Thand kaise lag gayi? kaisaa mehsus kar rahe hain aap abhi??” Deepak trying to shove the microphone up his nostrils. "Amitabh ji …Amitabh ji bataaiye….” Deepak struggling. Big B looks up to his bodyguard… And immediately the telecast is switched to the studio cameras and Sanjay sitting there says in a hurried tone. “Chaliye ab chalte hai Raakhi Saawant ke paas jo ye maang kar rahee hai ki item numbers ka bhi Oscar nomination honaa chahiye.” In the meantime Deepak while trying to get some exclusive footage got some real exclusive “Foot”age on his ass from Big B’s bodyguards. As if all this is not enough what follows is a SMS poll : Aap sabhi se humara sawal hai Amitabh Bachchan ko thand kyon lagi? 1. Kyonki unhone sweater nahi pahna tha 2. Kyonki unhone DABUR ka chavanpraash nahi khaya tha 3. Unka jacket chhota ho gayaa tha 4. Manali wasiyon ki galti hai kyunki unhone Amitabh ke liye heater ka intezaam nahi kiya. Apna jawab SMS kariye XXX par aur inme se 10 lucky vijetaoon ka meilga Ek Sony Camera. kahin jaayiyega nahi kyonki aage hai:

- Aishwarya ne khaya achar… Kya poora hoga abhishek aur ash ka parivar??? - Kya wajah thi ki na hit ho pai “Sarkar Raj” Aur kitne hits ya flops dega “Bachaan Parivaar”??? Janne ke lie dekhiye AAJ TAK ... And it continued and by the time I complete this post I am sure Deepak comes to office with an ice pack stuck to his ass while I happily munch on some more homemade delicacies.

Mere Desh Mein...

India a country of more than 1 billion people has stood over centuries against all odds and has contributed a lot more than zero to the world. When we talk about India, the first thing that comes to ones mind is its rich culture and values apart from our contribution to the worlds population and corruption. Ever wondered why is it that one takes so much pride in his/her culture and values? What is that makes us go beyond our ways to pass on these values to upcoming generations. We want our children to be as modern, competent and broadminded as any Tom Dick and Harry from any other country but at core we want them to be aware of our culture our roots above all our Identity. Identity as an Indian; Identity as a Singh or maybe a Rao. I’m not really sure why exactly is it important, but it definitely does a huge deal of good to a country of more than one billion people where losing your identity is as easy as losing another cell-phone. I remember when my friends go abroad their parents would be worried. Not only coz they will be alone saat sumandar paar and will not get the ghar ka khana but also what if the firang culture and free lifestyle influences them? What if they get back with a firang bahu/damad? How will they manage and how their lives would go topsy-turvy. Even today in India Love marriages outside ones religion and caste is a taboo and is not accepted whole-heartedly, because of the fear of the next generation losing their identity. Well, it does make sense; doesn’t it? A very close Muslim friend of mine wanted to settle down with a Hindu girl against all odds in filmy ishtyle. I always wondered what would their children be- a Hindu or a Muslim? Will they go to a Temple or a Mosque? When they would meet me, how will they greet -say salaam or namaste? There is always a possibility that in midst of two very different religions, cultures, customs and languages, one religion, one culture, one custom might die away. So, if parents do fear that what’s wrong in that? Before you pounce on me saying I am narrow minded and put me in the league of likes Raj Thackeray or Shiv Sena, let me clarify I am not against love marriages or inter-caste marriages. But again that doesn’t change the fact that if every one goes for inter-caste or inter-religion marriages, we would end up diluting our cultures and customs. There will be no more Hindus, Muslims or Christians. There will be no more Bengalis, Tamilians or Punjabis. Imagine a kid introducing his/her ethnicity as part Punjabi, part Tamilian, part Bengali and may be a part Gujrati or may be with names such as Tulsidas Khan, Mumtaz Iyer; which sounds more like India Pakistan Border. Cosmopolitan Kid in true sense, Isn’t it? It would be a khichdi where everyone would be as confused as Marilyn Monroe would be if asked to dance to the tunes of beedi jalayle. I’ve come across so many people till now and almost 9 out of 10 want to marry a person who they think will be able to pass on the right values to their children. DDLJ, whose core was based on such values, had dragged people to theaters continuously for over 10 years. Sooraj Barjatya was able to make people realize the importance of a joint family with super-hit movies like Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, Vivaah, Hum Saath Saath Hain, which, not only made the audience shed a tear but also swept away with critical acclaim and national awards. Movies like Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Namsate London has shown how parents were frantic, trying to instill these values in their children. All these movies have been biggest blockbusters, which do tell us that maybe the concept of promoting ones aadarsh and sanskaar is the mantra. TV ads like Asian Paints, and the latest one by ING corporate have managed to strike the right chord simply because it has captured the essence of our country just perfectly. Even the smallest of things like a Bengali chele’s dislike to fish or a Punjabi kudi’s aversion to lassi matter to people here. We attach a lot of emotion to everything we do. We hold our values very close to our hearts and also strive hard to keep them alive and pass them on to our future generations. I guess this is what has held this country of 28 states, 22 official languages, and more than 2000 cultures as one country. Irrespective of diverse cultures, religions, and castes we are one and reinforce the idea of Vasudaiva Kutumbukam. One might wonder if it is really important to know your roots, only to realize later how well it differentiates you from other people. But at the same time, what we can definitely not doubt is the fact that it’s our consciousness of our respective cultures, which gives us this immense sense of belonging to our land and the strength to fight for or right to a safe and peaceful life here. It is this very emotional attachment to all little things we do that tells us- this land is our home and not just another house.