Closure

“Arey Ananditaji, Aap bhi Kerala ja rahe ho? Bête ke paas?” Parminder Kaur said walking towards Anandita along with her husband; who was waiting in Dumdum airport lounge.  Anandita in a Bengal cotton saree and neatly tied up hair in bun was in deep thoughts looking into nothingness; engrossed in some deeper thoughts, least attentive to Pammi’s pleasantries. Her red and swollen eyes were covered with big sunglasses. No more tears were left in her.

“Kaisa hai Rahul? Suna hai badi tarakki kar raha hai?” She said taking seat next to Anandita.

“Hum bhi Kerala ja rahe hain, backwaters ghoomne, inka LTA benefit use karenge ji. Rahengi na kuch din wahan Rahul ke pass?” asked Pammi pressing her palms.

Slowly Anandita looked to Pammi and said in low voice- “Rahul died last night in a car accident and I am going for his cremation.”

Pammis cheer was replaced with shock as her gaze moved from Anandita to her husband.

Hi Ma, Guess what, our agency has bagged 6 awards apparently. It’s still unofficial. They will be announcing the names at the award ceremony today evening. I am hoping my name will be one of them. Pray for me. I am still wondering what to wear for the party. I know you would like to see me in navy blue blazer but it’s too corporate for me. I don’t know when the party will end, but I’ll try and call you, and hopefully with some good news.

Yours

Babu

Anandita was greeted with extreme humid weather in Trivandrum. Rahul’s colleague Sanjukta came to pick her from airport.

“How far is the house from here?” asked Anandita looking through the gods own country which didn’t mean anything to her at present.

“Do you want to go to house first?” asked Sanjukta looking up from her mobile.

“We aren’t? Where is he?”

“Actually we didn’t want to take him to the apartment. Housing society objected. They thought it might traumatize the kids there. So, we moved him directly to crematorium from hospital. Everyone has reached; they are all waiting for us.”

“Aunty, this is Mamta, our director.” Sanjukta introduced Anandita to a malyali lady in her early forties.

“I was the one who called you yesterday.” Said Mamta.

She was dark and slightly on a heavier side. She was in black saree and oversized sunglasses covering half her face. They sat there waiting for the electronic cremation to get over. Sanjukta went to check on if it’s done leaving the two ladies to talk.

“Was he sober?” asked Anandita continuing to look into distant trees.

Mamta removed her glasses but didn’t say anything.

“Don’t hide; I can’t scold him now anyways. How much did he actually have?”

“Why do you want to know? Agreed you can’t scold him, you can’t do anything also right? Leave it.”

“Aunty, it’s done.” Sanjukta said handing her the pot of ashes.

Anandita recalled how 25 years back she held Babu for the first time; round face, almost bald head and tiny eyes which were still closed. He was weighing light as feather. This was probably the last time she would hold him but the weight was unbearable; so heavy that she would not be able to carry it.

Mamta offered to drop Anandita at Rahul’s apartment. They stared at passing trees without any exchange of words.

“He was a sweet kid.” Mamta broke the silence still looking outside. “He was a real asset for our group. We all got an instant liking towards him; respectful to seniors and very dedicated towards his work.”

“They have put the date incorrectly. 18th is today.” Said Anandita absently looking at the death certificate issued.

“Let me see.” Said Mamta taking the certificate. “Yes, but it happened at 2:00 AM post-midnight so technically today.”

“Where did it happen? Near KC Road; do you want me to take you there?”

“No! Just wanted to know.”

“We’ll send someone tomorrow to sign the insurance papers as you were the nominee. Is that ok?”

“Sure.”

They reached home and Anandita walked in collecting Rahul’s mobile and laptop from Mamta. As Anandita stepped into the apartment…

“We are holding a small condolence meeting tomorrow. We would like you to be there. Of course, if you wish to opt out, we would understand.”

Anandita nodded and went in.

Hi Ma, My new address- 407 Ram Vilas, SP Road. This is the office apartment. I will be shifting to in a week or so. It’s about time I stop living out of suitcase.

She scanned the house recalling the mail. She was glad that he taught her all about emailing before leaving for his first job.

Hello Ma, Today is my 1st day in my office apartment. It’s a huge place. Almost 3 times our Sealdah house. I’m not going to bother sending you any photos. You come and have a look yourself. It’s not as per your taste but nicely done. The house is waiting for your finishing touches. When Ma? When are u going to come?

Yours,

Babu

She changed and sat in the balcony thinking about Babu. Her eyes seemed stony without any expressions.

Hey Ma, there’s lovely breeze here when you sit in balcony. I have got AC installed in one room only for you. You know how much I hate cold. By the way my colleague Sanjukta has helped me do up the place and I hope it’s going to be up to your liking. Come soon.

Babu

Was it very cold with all that ice they put around you in the morgue? Must be very cold... whispered Anandita to Rahul’s photo she was holding and tears started rolling uncontrollably.

Next morning Sanjukta came with breakfast for Anandita. They had breakfast together and sipped tea near the table with fish bowl.

“Did he drink too much that day?”

“Yes, normally he didn’t drink that much? With celebrations and all…”

“None of you guys stopped him?”

“No, who wants to kill the joy? Moreover we were also high. Even if we would have asked, would he listen?”

“Why wouldn’t he? After all it was an office party not a private affair? There has to be some decorum, some restrictions. And they just let him drive back home in such inebriated state?”

“No, that’s not true. There were 3 office cars waiting to drop us home. We all got dropped home. He could have also gone. But no, he just refused.”

“Do you know exactly where it happened?”

“Yes, we all went there.”

“Can you drop me there? I want to be there for some time.”

Sanjukta drove Anandita to KC Road where Rahul met with the accident. The iron bars were still bent with broken divider.

“How critical was he when cops called you?”

“Critical, very, but he was still there.”

“What time did the ambulance come?”

“I don’t know. By the time we arrived he was already taken to hospital. Mamta got the news first. She was with him in the ambulance.

“What did he wear that evening?”

“Navy blue blazer. He ordered a new one. I will show you pictures tomorrow.”

“I want to stay here for some time. You carry on. It’s getting late.”

“No ways. I am in no hurry. Take as much time as you need.”

“What was his hurry at 2 in the night? Every time he’s driving at night on empty roads, he has to zip through. I have told him so many times Babu! Go slow, go slow. Ease off. What’s the hurry?” Tears found their way while Anandita spoke.

Anandita reached home and started packing Rahul’s belongings to be taken back to Sealdah. She saw the fish bowl and asked Sanjukta to take it with her as Rahul’s memory.

“No, no, no. Sorry Aunty! I can’t take it. In fact I never liked it. I hate life being caged. Caging everyone, putting them in boxes! You see a beautiful bird and put in in a cage, see colorful fishes and immediately keep it in the aquarium. Nonsense! Why do people have to box everything? Set them free. Let them be what they are.”

Anandita thought, she was right. Babu was free now. She thought how he was used to toddle about the dining room and reach the kitchen to see her cook, waiting anxiously for her to look and throw an endearing smile at him, and when she did, he would chuckle and clap hands singing in his own baby language loudly, and eventually land on his bums. He used to keep repeating the act while she was in the kitchen. And at the end of it, when she was done with her chores, she would hug him and kisses followed and he would sing even louder. Ahh! the joys of the first-born kids; in this case the only kid. The thought of Babu’s childhood brought a subconscious smile on her face.

Sanjukta noticed and asked what it was that got her smile. Anandita looked at her and said, “Nothing just some childhood things of Rahul. All I wanted was to love and protect my son…” said Anandita hugging Sanjukta, tears rolling of her eyes.   

“…and be with him for the rest of my life. He would fade away from our lives and I don’t want that, I want him back. I want to hold my Babu. I want to feed him and scold him when he does mistakes. I want to hold him so tight so that he is never lost again.”

“Before going back, can we go to that KC road again?” Anandita asked wiping her tears.

“Sure, I’ll take you there now and will drop you at airport after that.”

They reached KC Road and found the road to be deserted in the afternoon.

“Hey look they have repaired the railing. Do you remember which 2 bars?” Asked Anandita.

“I think these 1st 2 bars”

“No, No it’s the 2^nd two bars I guess.”

“How come Trivandrum Corporation is so prompt in fixing it?

“Maybe they wanted to speed up the closure for us.”

Sealdah: Anandita reached home and wrote to Sanjukta.

Dear Sanjukta,

I have so much in my mind and heart that I don’t know where to begin. You have been such good friends to my son and so kind to me. You have helped me in so many ways, to help me know my son better. I had come there to collect my son’s belongings. What I found was much larger. He has left so much of himself with you all that it cannot be packed away and so much of me also in the process. I’m sending enclosed some pictures of you and Rahul as his remembrance to you. When Babu’s father passed away five years back, I thought it was the worst day of my life, as f nothing worse can ever happen.  Then, this day! I have survived his father’s absence but the void created is still there. Now, Babu has deepened it further. But I have his emails and pictures which I didn’t have of his fathers.

With lots of love and hugs.

Anandita